My Friend is Dying
I had a strange conversation with a regular at work tonight. He’s been coming in since the restaurant opened. He used to come in with his partner and they ordered the same drinks every time (a brandy manhattan and a gin martini) and generally the same food. Since his partner died two years ago he stopped drinking and started coming in for the community instead of the food. I know this because he only ever eats two bites before he’s finished. He is 77 years old and alone. I’m not trying to play this up more than it is. He has a sister in Arizona who cannot afford to fly here (he says even for his funeral) and he occasionally has a friend or two join him at the restaurant. But he was going to be alone on Christmas until an employee at the restaurant invited him to their house.
Anyway, tonight I asked him why he didn’t order his regular dessert and he said it was because he was feeling sick. “I’m loosing weight you know” he said. When I asked him about it he said that he was dying. “It’s a losing battle. My body is done and my time is short. I won’t be around much longer.” Fighting against awkwardness and finding it easy to ignore my duties as the manager that night I asked him what it felt like to know or think that your life is nearly done. “I”m OK with it, you can’t grow old and be a sissy! I’m ready to go because I have lived a full life and I’ve been everywhere I want to go. My only fear is that I will outlive my body. Nothing terrifies me more than losing my independence.” “Do you have someone to take care of you if that happens?” He said that he didn’t, that his sister lives far away and can barely afford her own life let alone his.
Somehow the conversation turned to Winston Churchill at this point. He recommended his favorite Churchill biography and I wrote down the title. He told me a story or two about Churchill and FDR, how for a longtime Churchill was the leader of the free world. I told him that I was taking an extended leave of absence from the restaurant and he said he’d miss me. I got his address and phone number and suggested that we find a way to talk when I’m done working.
He has ridden his motorcycle across the United States, he’s worked as a newspaper reporter, owned a publishing company in Hollywood, seen the death of his parter of 37 years, travled around the world multiple times, and now he prefers to watch TV and read books.
I think that I would fear losing my independence too if I was without community. I think that when you live in community you’ve already experienced what it’s like to lose your independence and it no longer seems quite as terrifying. I want my friend to live with my family, to not die alone. I probably should have said something about hope in the resurrection or something like that (I mean, I am a church planter) but I just listened instead.
Who do you look like?
There’s a church planting couple here in the NW that came from a traditional church, had worked in established ministry for years, and felt “called” to work with people in downtown Portland. I do not know these people well so I cannot speak with much insight as to how their lives and hearts have changed over years of doing this ministry. But I can tell you that their appearance has changed. She has had dreads (and has since cut them off and started them again), they have many piercings, tattoos, and they dress the part too. It might be easy for us skeptical types to look at them and make jokes about how they’re trying to look cool or something of that nature. But concerning the way they look my wife heard the woman say that the two of them did not set out to look different and change their appearance. Instead, she said, the more time you spend with a people and the more you fall in love with a people the more you want to look like them and be like them.
As I processed this I remembered me and my other tall and skinny white friend who lived in Portugal together. We stood out. We looked different. We were loud when we road the bus. We wore t-shirts and baggy jeans. But by the time we left some things had changed. Without ever trying or even thinking about it we acted differently in public settings. We dressed differently (embarrassingly enough we began to wear tighter jeans). In many ways, small ways, we began to look more like the people we were with.
I’m intrigued by this idea in two ways.
- Are you loving the people around you to the extent that you might start looking like them?
- Is your Christian community living and loving in such a way that people who hang out with you are starting to look like you?
Sunday: What’s the Point?
What’s the point of worshiping with the church on Sundays?
As I look at the world around me I see that question being asked by Christians and those who don’t call themselves followers of Christ. Maybe its not said like that, maybe its not said at all but is rather a lived out question. I’ve also observed that for Christians and “non-Christians” alike there is a general acceptance of the church when defined as a community of Christ followers. The idea of the church being a group of people journeying together in faith, trying their best to focus on Jesus, to die to self, and to live for the world is something most people can get behind. But I believe there has grown a disconnect between that idea and its Sunday expression.
So I ask again, what’s the point?
Let me tell you what the whole point cannot be. The point cannot be fellowship, because you can get that anywhere anytime. It cannot be anything technical like the music, because if we were honest we’d agree that music is nearly (and sadly) always better outside the church than inside. It can’t be anything connected to duty or obligation, because while those can serve a good purpose at times they are not the primary picture of discipleship that I see in Jesus’ life and ministry. Better descriptive words in Jesus’ ministry (than “duty” or “obligation”) are “invitation” “hope” and “opportunity” We get to go to church.
So let me rephrase the question: what happens on Sunday that is essential to the survival of a Christ follower?
OR
What does Sunday’s church expression offer what cannot be found anywhere else?
OR
How does the churches Sunday worship expression change the world?
SO…
…what’s the point?
